This is one of many jokes and humorous articles I collected, mainly from USENET and similar
sources in the early to mid 1990s. They're really not very interesting nowadays.
From owner-freebsd-newbies@freebsd.org Sat Jun 6 08:01:28 1998
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From: simon mendoza <simon_v_mendoza@yahoo.com>
Subject: Some kind of language
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This came up from a friend and I want to share it with all of
you...Greetings and enjoy.
WOMEN'S ENGLISH
"Yes" = No
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No
"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry
'We need" = I want
"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
"Do what you want" = You'll pay for this later.
"We need to talk" = I need to complain.
"Sure go ahead" = I don't want you to.
"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
"You're so manly" = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
"You're certainly attentive tonight" = Is sex all you ever think about?
"Be romantic, turn out the lights "= I have flabby thighs.
"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house.
"I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and
wallpaper.....
"Hang the picture there" = NO, I mean hang it there!
"I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep.
"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not
going to like.
"I'll be ready in a minute" = Kick off your shoes and find a good game
on TV.
"Is my butt fat?" = Tell me I'm beautiful.
"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me.
"Are you listening to me!?" = [Too late, you're dead.]
"Was that the baby?" = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until
he falls asleep.
"I'm not yelling!" = Yes, I am yelling because I think this is
Important.
"The same old thing" = Nothing
"Nothing" = Everything
"Everything" = My PMS is acting up.
"Nothing, really" = It's just that you're such an asshole.
"Put me on your list"= I think your cute
MENīS ENGLISH:
"I'm hungry" = I'm hungry.
"I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy.
"I'm tired" = I'm tired.
"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with
you.
"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with
you.
"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!
"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you.
"What's wrong?" = I don't see why your making such a big deal about
this.
"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma
are you going through now?
"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
"I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex?
"I love you." = Let's have sex now.
"I love you, too." = Okay, I said it... we'd better have sex now!
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better before.
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = $50 and it doesn't look that
much different!
"Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing you that I am a
deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex
with other guys.
"I like that one better."(while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress
and let's go home!
"I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together." = I am
gay.
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